Chapter 1
We all think our life is normal, nothing new, all the same. We all know that every second something amazing happens. But, we never feel it. We stare at the clock for hours waiting for it to ring. Second to second, minute to minute, hour to hour, each the same each repeating. Our life is a clock, everyday the same routine. Get dressed, eat breakfast, brush hair, brush your teeth and go. We’re trapped in this endless time. Second by second, repeating and repeating, forever. But, all clocks break…. Our life can instantly change, in just a second. We all see it, hear it, but ignore it. We go in with our lives not caring, we never accept anything to happen to us, until it's too late. We aren’t prepared for the worst or things that happen around the world. We are in our little cocoon, but the butterfly will always come out….
It was an average day, like any other. Obviously, I woke up late because I missed my alarm. I skipped breakfast and finished homework in homeroom. Life seemed to be the same to me, I really didn't see a purpose if we’re forced to do things. Life is supposed to be beautiful, but when you're forced to go to school everything sucks. All I can think about is getting out of here, but then come my payments and families, it's all too much. You never have a moment to yourself, to really think and do something without any control. There always a guideline, a rule, that stops you from being, you. There is always someone controlling you, manipulating your every move. Although when we ask why we have these rules, there is no true answer. Everyone says safety and control, but then we are just many robots controlled by the powerful ones. Rules are just there. Words and signatures, people raising their hands, voting, but in the end, they really have no true meaning. We just follow them because they're, there. We learn to follow them. They stop us from being our true selves. I wish I could just show my true self.
I was chewing on a piece of bubblegum breaking a big classroom rule, but I didn’t really care. I was supposed to be writing about what I did over the summer, but I was doodling on a piece of paper. Why does this so-called, “teacher”, need to know what I did over the summer I mean I just barely met her yet I have to tell about my summer! I mean it's just weird.
I didn’t really have any friends, and still don’t. My mom says I just have a creative mind and it's only what you think, but it isn’t. It's what other people think. It makes us choose what we wear, how we act, and sometimes even if we live or not. If people don’t accept us for who we are we don’t stay ourselves we change to fit into who we're “supposed” to be. I don’t have a favorite color or shirt or subject because it doesn’t matter. Everyone says to be different and unique but do they really or are they just saying this to make us feel better. Everyone tries to be honest yet every word contains a lie. I feel left out a lot but why change to fit in and destroy what I was built of. I knew where I was going, I was going to fail 10th grade for sure and probably not make it through high school. I’ll be doing drugs on the rumble street and being a total idiot everyone says I am. At least I won’t have to follow rules. At least you think, sure you break rules and laws, but there’s always a leader of a leader of a leader of a leader, and on and on, it never stops! No matter what you do you will still be controlled. So I try to go to a “brighter” future, but it's hard to wear a mask when you are so beautiful. When you think about it, you can’t beat life it's just when you decide to give up. Life is just waiting for you to die so it can mark your name off it’s list. No one talks to me, no one truly loves, and there is no way I am going to be desperate and “make” friends. My mom says I need to get therapy to calm down but that just more rules to follow and more people to “listen” to. My thoughts can definitely get wild but I’m just getting closer to finally understanding life. I have many ideas but the most obvious one is there is no point in life, you just live it and end it.
The bell rang and everyone turned their papers. I quickly wrote I had fun, no one said the writing limit. I didn’t make contact with the teacher she was just another stranger I would meet in my life. Little people know about my thinking. Just some doctors, the principal, and my mom. Many doctors think I have a disease that makes me think this way, they do tests and try to find something that can “fix” me. I don’t need to be fixed, I’m just being my true self. Is what I want to tell them, yet I can’t. I don’t know what it is, but it's hard to talk, I feel like no one will accept me. I’ll be seen as awkward and weird. I barely even talk to my mom. If I have to communicate, I just write it down, then run away and hide in my deep hole till’ they read it and see it’s not bad. My life is always going to be like this every day the same routine, trying to break free as much as I can. I wear as many masks as I can but they seem to fall off revealing myself. My brain is my only true friend. My brain can hold all my feelings and never reveal them. My brain is supposed to be my only friend. But things change. I always saw this as a way to change what it is around, not yourself. You move, you try new styles, but the truth stays the same. I always saw it like that thinking me, my true self would never change. Nothing, I repeat nothing could change that. At least I thought….